October update

For the past number of weeks I just seem to have been too swamped with work and other activities to settle down to doing any writing. There’s been so much since my last posting, and I wish I had time to reflect and digest more. But rather than remain completely silent, I’ve decided I should at least jot down some of the things that have been happening in my life.

My wife and I have taken to walking for an hour every morning. It’s not only been great to add that regular activity into my appallingly sedentary life, but it’s also given us a fantastic opportunity to talk. We’re talking more and more openly, and I think with more and more understanding and acceptance. Authenticity is seeming less like a barrier and more like a way to connect.

In September, my friend Maria and I participated in the Walk for Life in support of people in this part of the world living with HIV and AIDS. It was a glorious morning: brilliant sunshine with a refreshing breeze coming off the water. The walk was around Stanley Park, so we had the shade and scent of the towering cedars on one side and the salty ocean, lavender mountains and pure blue sky on the other. The walkers were a typically diverse crowd, from white-haired seniors to babies in backpacks, from the very straight-laced to the flamboyantly unconventional, a rainbow of races, and dogs of every breed. During the two-hour walk, Maria and I talked non-stop about things spiritual and mundane. It's such a gift to have friends you can be truly authentic with.

Later in September, I decided to volunteer at the LGTB community centre in town. I had been there in August, partly to see what kinds of programs and services they were offering, and partly to see how I would feel about going in. The volunteer receptionist was just leaving, but she took the time to give me a run-down of activities at the centre. Then she mentioned that there was no one to replace her when she left that day, and said, “You should think about volunteering.” Although at the time I discounted the idea immediately, it must have stuck in my subconscious, because late last month I was back talking to the volunteer coordinator. It’s an opportunity for me to get outside the narrow confines of my one-person office, meet and hopefully help people. So far I’ve really enjoyed getting to know the woman who’s been showing me the ropes.

Earlier this week, I came out to my dad. My mum had been trying to persuade me not to, so I’d felt the need to wait until she seemed to have some understanding of why I had to do it. I’m so thankful my wife and friends are so understanding and empathetic, because with my parents, I feel the need to have all the understanding and empathy. I do feel for them. For decades, they have been sheltered from what for them is a painful truth, so I can imagine how difficult it is for them. On the other hand, I also can’t help but think – or at least hope – that if one of my children had been carrying something like this for such a long time, I would want to reach out to them and try to understand what they had been through. My dad’s predictably emotionless response was to ask me if I was aware of “reparative therapy”, and quiz me on my understanding of Bible teaching about homosexuality. At least I expected nothing different. I suppose I am coming close to accepting him for who he is, although it still hurts a little. Perhaps, in time, that is how my parents will feel about me.